What could have been
by CookieMonsterCullen
Summary: B & E come back from honeymoon BD but does edward respect bellas wishes to keep their baby? what happens when bella leaves and they meet 37 years later when edward believes bella to be dead but bella has a surprise for edward. bad summary good story :
1. Preface

Disclaimer: Sadly, I don't own Twilight or any of the characters ... wish I did :(

**Preface:**

I had been sitting there for god knows how long. i stopped counting after about 3 hours. When i stared at that photo i realized it was the last time i was truly happy. I wouldn't change what i did for anything but still, i wish things could have been different. Guess i'll never find my happily ever after.


	2. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Sadly, I don't own Twilight or any of the characters except Maya and Zoey...wish I did :(

(BPOV)

***FLASHBACK***

_That was one of the worst plane rides of my life. I was in complete and utter shock, unable to believe what I knew to be true. I was pregnant...with a vampire. I didn't think it was possible, nobody did. Edward had insisted we return home as soon as possible to get this 'thing' out of me. How could he call our baby a thing? We hadn't talked since we were on the boat, neither of us had made an effort to start a conversation. I was overwhelmed and he was... I wasn't even sure what he was feeling. Anger? Joy? Frustration? Worry? His face just looked empty. I couldn't understand why he wasn't happy though. I had never dreamed of being a mother but now i realized it was going to happen i couldn't think of anything better. He was the one who had wished Charlie's assumption was true and now it was he wanted me to get rid of it. I couldn't. I just couldn't. I already loved it and I knew I wouldn't be able to bear losing it. My little nudger. _

_The minute we got off the plane we were greeted by our family. All considerably tense and worried and it seemed to be taking its toll on Jasper who looked the worst out of all of them, the dark circles under his eyes more noticeable than usual. The only person I wanted to see was Rosalie. She would understand me. She was the one I could count on for help. But I think everyone was surprised when she was the one I went to first. I had always been slightly afraid of and everyone knew it but now I understood her perfectly, she would help; she would be on my side when no one else was. I looked over to Edward to see his golden eyes flash with realization then just before i looked away they hardened with a burning pain that i probably wasn't meant to see._

_Edward and Carlisle spent the journey home trying to make me see what they called 'sense'. It was a wasted effort. I had made my decision and nothing they said could change it. It would hurt me almost as much as losing Edward would. After about an hour of failed attempts they gave up and Edward just stared into my eyes willing me to see reason. I stared back into his honey coloured eyes watching as they filled with indecision and yet more pain. I placed my hand against his marble cheek._

"_It's going to be okay." I whispered to him, and for once i truly believed it._

***END FLASHBACK***

How I wished now that those words could be true. How wrong i was. How could i believe that anything could ever be alright again. I could never be happy again. How could he. Why would he do that to me? I thought he loved me.

How could he go behind my back in such an...an...an...evil way. I didn't want to think of him of all people like that but that's how it felt. How could he betray me like that? It felt like my heart had been ripped out of my chest and stamped on by the one person i loved the most. I don't know how i could possibly bear it. The thought that the one person i believed would stick with me and support me through everything would go and do something like that to me, it made me feel sick.

I was sitting in the corner of the spare room of our cottage. Edward didn't bother to come and talk to me. He knew I didn't want to see him. We barely ever spoke anymore. I just couldn't bear it after what he did. It's been 2 months and I can't even look him in the eye. It even hurts to think about him. Thinking back to last September when he left me, that pain was nothing compared to this.

I know how much pain my misery is causing him but it is nothing compared to what I was going through. He should have thought about that before he ... he. I tried to stop myself thinking about it but once the memories had started there was no way to stop them.

My mind went back to the one night I didn't want to remember.

The night that changed everything.

I let the pain and despair crush me as the tears started violently streaking down my cheeks.


	3. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: Again, i don't own twilight or any of the characters except Maya and Zoey ;(

(BPOV)

Occasionally Alice, Emmet and even Rosalie would come in and try to cheer me up. It never worked so they ended up leaving after about 5 minutes realizing that it was a wasted effort. My emotions were too much for Jasper. He couldn't handle my crushing grief so he stayed as far away from the cottage a possible. I felt bad when Carlisle or Esme would come and try to comfort me but I just couldn't take it. I tried to talk to Esme, to express my feelings, she of all people would understand considering she has been through a similar tragedy and look what came of that. I barely had the restraint to stop myself doing anything stupid. I think that was what they were most worried about when they saw how depressed I actually was. All the attention that they thought would help was in fact making everything worse.

I barely ever ate and I was getting thinner by the day. I knew everyone was worried about me but nobody truly knew what to do. I was so hopelessly lost in the pain I felt that I didn't think anyone or anything ever could help me. I was lost so in my sorrow I didn't think anybody could do would help me. Or so I thought.

At that moment I heard a faint knock on the cottage door.

"Bella, love, can I come in?" Edwards worried voice came from outside. I could barely make myself answer.

"Mmmhmm" I muttered so quietly a human wouldn't have heard but I knew Edward did.

He carefully opened to door and I heard his hesitant footsteps through the hall. He came into the bedroom and appraised my position on the floor.

I looked up at him. He looked hollow, empty and completely alone. I wanted to run up and wrap my arms tightly around his waist and never let go but I knew I wouldn't. Not anymore.

I tried to avoid his eyes but it seemed inevitable that my eyes would be drawn to his. We locked gazes for a few minutes and we let our emotions flow through to each other silently. He must have seen how heartbroken I really was and I saw how much pain my actions were causing him. He crumpled into heap on the floor and began sobbing tearlessly.

"Edward." I whispered and his head snapped up. I barely ever spoke anymore so it must have been a shock for him to hear my voice again after so much time.

He crawled from his space on the floor to sit next to me, bringing his knees up to his chest, and as much as I thought I wanted to, when it came to it, I couldn't do anything but comfort him and let him comfort me. I loved him and nothing him or anyone else ever does could change that. I leant my head on his shoulder but he didn't move. I was grateful for that. I just couldn't let anyone close to my heart just yet when it had been broken nearly beyond repair.

We sat like that for a long time before either of us spoke again.

"Bella. I'm sorry. I know I can never really make up for what I did. It was the worst mistake of my life and ill regret it for the rest of my existence. Every day of forever I will wish I could change that part of the past. I know that this doesn't change anything but I just want you to know I'm sorry. So sorry and I understand if you can't ever forgive me because I know for a fact I will never forgive myself." He stuttered through his apology not really knowing what to say to even begin to make things better.

"Edward." I paused, considering ways I could continue. "I know you are sorry. I want you to stop hating yourself. What's done is done. We can't change the past so both of us need to try to get over what happened. It will be hard and I'm not sure I will ever truly be able to but we need to try. For our family if not ourselves." As I said this I knew the truth of my words. I thought about Alice and Esme. How much I really missed them and how horrible it was for them to see me like this.

Once I started thinking about things possibly getting better I began thinking about other things along with the hurt that usually took over my mind.

I thought of the day I agreed to marry Edward. How happy he was and how I could see our life together laid out in front of my eyes. Together and in love for eternity.

I thought of our wedding. How flawless it was and how we were surrounded by everyo0ne we loved.

Last I thought about the honeymoon. Edward and I alone. How happy we were and how happy we could still possibly be. The first night. The most wonderful night of my life. I began thinking about what that led to and what it could lead to again.

NO. I couldn't think like that it was wrong; I couldn't use Edward like that.

I tried to think of other things, other happy memories but the same thought kept creeping back into my mind and however hard I tried to push it away it refused to go. It was so tempting. One night, that's all I would need and maybe, maybe everything would be alright.


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: Is this really necessary for every chapter, I mean however much I wish I did I still don't own Twilight ;(

AN: Sorry i haven't updated in a while, have had exams and lots of revising. It might also take longer to update again because i have work experince for the next 2 weeks. Sorry :(

(BPOV)

As my plans went through my mind I knew it was wrong, sick even but if I was being honest with myself I needed it. Probably more than anything else.

I thought of the possibilities, of me with a beautiful little Edward in my arms. I fell into a peaceful sleep against Edwards's chest and had the best sleep I had had for months.

I woke up in the morning on a comfortable bed with cold arms around me. He must have carried me here sometime last night. For once I didn't have nightmares, but they weren't good dreams either. I actually don't think I dreamt at all.

I started to sit up but his arms didn't move, holding me against him on the bed.

"Good morning love, don't move just yet. I've missed you so much" Edward's velvet voice whispered into my hair.

"Morning." I replied as I turned over so I was facing him. "I really have missed you too." I hadn't realized until then but I really had missed him, his flawless face, and his kisses. Everything about him.

I kissed up his chest until I finally reached his mouth. It was a little less careful than his usual kisses so this time, when I ran my tongue over his smooth bottom lip I expected him to pull away but instead his came out to meet mine. He put his hands around my waist as our tongues danced.

I was surprised when I felt a light tugging at the bottom of my shirt and I froze. Feeling my tension he pulled away. I saw a flash of hurt in his eyes before he covered it with his signature crooked smile, though it didn't reach his ears.

"Edward," I paused not knowing how to continue without hurting him "I can't, I'm not ready yet, I'm sorry."

"Its fine, I should have known I guess" He was obviously trying to pretend he wasn't hurt but I could tell. He changed the subject before anything could get worse. "How do you feel about going home for a while later?" He asked me hopefully. I wasn't sure if I was ready for that yet but I should probably go. I mean, think of what I have been putting them through, I owe them this much.

"Yeah, sure, I guess that's okay, I mean." I said trying to lighten his mood.

"Good, now I think we better start getting ready. There's a certain little pixie very excited to see you." He chuckled and kissed my hair one last time before going to get some clothes.

I got out of bed and saw that I was still in my clothes from yesterday. I went into the bathroom and had a shower. I let the hot water trail down my body, calming me down. I washed my hair with my favourite strawberry scented shampoo and stood there for a little while longer. I slowly got out and wrapped the towel around myself. I walked into the massive closet wondering how Alice got away with this monstrosity. It felt like I had been looking for hours before I found an innocent pair of jeans and a blue long sleeved top.

I went back into the bedroom to find Edward fully dressed, waiting for me. I grabbed onto his hand and his face lit up with a grin.

"Are you ready? The whole family is looking forward to seeing you." Edward said as we walked through the forest towards the main house.

"Yeah I am. How do they know I'm coming?" He gave me sideways glance and chuckled

"Oh right, Alice" I mumbled embarrassed to have forgotten about that.

We came through a gap in the trees to see the massive while house. I was pretty nervous at how they would react to me. I hadn't properly spoken to them for weeks. I gripped Edwards hand tighter as he pushed the door open.


End file.
